Dreams

Tuesday, May 05th, 2020

Day three, day three of focussing on daily goals. Every morning for the last three days I make a check list, giving myself daily to do's to accomplish through out the day. It really helps me to get out of bed in the morning, it keeps me being productive through out the day. I realized that I wasn't keeping things into prospective I had forgotten about one thing that was really important to me. I forgot what I was working toward - I have goals and dreams that are bigger than me, I forgot what I wanted to do. I lost faith in myself, I tried to convince myself that I would be happy changing plans and doing something different. But, at the end of the day that isn't true, I wouldn't be happy if I gave up on my dream.

I realized I was reevaluating my plans based on someone other than myself, I was going to sacrifice so much to make someone else, and not myself happy. While I am going to law school in the fall I haven't picked where just yet. But, I do know that my goal still is to be a prosecuting attorney for sex crimes. I completely gave up on my dream of enlisting and contracting myself to the JAG corp. I had always wanted to serve my country in some way, and be apart of the military. I was inspired by my grandfather who was a Marine, and my cousin who is in the Army. I've always been tough, but sometimes I lose faith in myself.

I went for a run after dinner tonight, and while I was running I was taking in the crisp fresh air, and I realized I had forgotten how much I loved the outdoors, how much I loved exercising. I had my last phone call with my friend today, who started Navy bootcamp today, and it was in our conversation that I forgot that I had put my goal of JAG on the back burner because I didn't think the person I was with at the time would support it or would even understand it. I was willing to be flexible and change my plans but I know now that isn't something I am willing to give up in the future ever again. I won't change my plans to make someone else happy, because at the end of the day it is my life, my career, and it is me who will have to live with the decisions and the outcome of what I do.

I don't want to ever regret not doing something or having to give something up for someone - especially if it isn't going to work out in the end, because then I am stuck living with the outcome. I have my dreams for a reason, they keep me motivated, it keeps me focused on a goal. I get to chase the dream by putting in the work, and the time to get to where I want to be. I still my hate running but I am getting good at it, I hit a runners high tonight, and it was time for me to clear my mind. I run to podcasts versus music because it keeps my mind sharp. I just want to better myself, I want to be mentally and physically strong because that is what it takes to be apart of the military and I want to give JAG everything I can.

I want to be healthy in mind body and soul, I want to be a stronger, well rounded woman, grounded, and determined. It is all about the drive, the grit, and holding on to the grind even when things get tough. JAG might not work out, but I know I'd regret never trying, never working toward it. I would regret giving up before I went after it. I'd rather put in the work and find out I dont get it than sit on the side lines, doubt myself, and no even try. Dreams are meant to keep us working, it helps to shape us, it helps to motivate. I have had so many people inspire me, that I want to be able to inspire other people, and I am no stranger to obstacles and having to over come adversity. It isn't going to be easy by I love the challenge of it - having something push me to put in the work, to do better - to become better.

Hold on to you dreams, never give up, and put in the work. Take time to think about what you want to accomplish, and dont let anything get in the way of that. Don't put it on the back burner, don't ever forget about it or give up on it because somethings or someone enters your life. Chase your dreams other wise you will regret it and you never want to resent someone for changing your plans or focus. Build your life, shape it - visualize how you want things to be and work to achieve it, vision boards and mottos have always helped me when I've lost perspective. At this moment I am living life for me, and knowing some things and some people just aren't worth the stress.