Self-Love

Friday, May 22nd, 2020

Have you ever taken the time to look at the fact that you are so focused and worried about everyone else in your life, and around you that you dont put yourself first or give yourself the love and attention you deserve? Well, I noticed that after I distanced myself from my mildly low key toxic ex ... see I have nothing bad to say about him, why? Because I have love for him, and I care about him, and want him to do well in life that won't ever change. But, I do know that I cant love someone who doesn't love themself, who has no regard for themself or their acts. I broke my own heart by dating an addict thinking he was capable of loving me back the way I loved and cared for him.

So, I've taken this time to grow. Every morning when I wake up I listen to a pod cast, I dont go on my phone and check social media. Instead I focus on the positive self growth and lessons the pod cast of my choice for the day focuses on. I take my morning vitamins, go and do my skin care and than I start my day by making my mom breakfast and me green tea. I take a phat shot of apple cider vinegar and than I sit down and read from my non fiction book of the week. Following this I drink half a gallon of water, sit down on my yoga mat and stretch, do exercises to rehabilitate my knee and shoulder, and a dynamic warm up before I workout. Than I either go for a run, or walk. I go and do a HITT workout or an ab circuit, and than I end with another run or walk. I try to spice it up but I get a minimum of 5.0 miles a day. Lately I've been averaging anywhere from 7-12 which is dope.

For those of you who know me I HATED running, now I dont mind it, it doesn't suck its liberating. It doesnt replace swimming but it is an alternative for what I have in my life now. The last month I have been channelling my focus and energy to being outside, to working out, and just enjoying life. I've always loved the gym and doing physical activity, I was a collegiate athlete after all. I used to spend 2-3 hours at the gym, and 2-3 hours at the pool. Now that I cant do that ive found new things to do. Youtube has great HIIT workouts for free, I do cardio circuits, and I make sure to get my steps in everyday. I take my vitamins, I work on my skin care routine, I haven't worn makeup at all this month except once for virtual graduation. I drink a minimum of a gallon of water a day. I limit any takeout/processed/junk food. Sticking to an 80/20 cleaning eating plan is liberating plus I LOVE fruits, vegetables and cooking. Though while I sit here writing I am eating 2 scoops of strawberry ice cream which is well deserved lol. I've only had a drink of alcohol once too which has been the best thing for me.

On this journey of self love, I have gained mental clarity. I have gained a physical strength, and I have just become a lot more positive. I look at myself and I recognize myself again, I like what I see in the mirror. I am more pleasant to be around, I spend more time with my friends and family - heck I threw the football with my brother after dinner for an hour this evening. I have accepted things that happened, and am focused on growing and moving forward. Not being stuck harping on how things are and trying to change things that are out of my control. I log into social media once a day, I have snapchat and instagram on a timer. I have realized life on social media doesn't portray the real or true story it is only what people want to show. So no, I haven't been positing snapchat stories, I haven't been keeping streaks. I have been living with real connections, texting, FaceTime, being with people the best I can - but truly being present with them and not have distractions.

I've always loved myself, but I have finally accepted myself. I have grown to be comfortable in the skin I am given. I know I only have one body and I need to treat it right and with the respect and love it deserves. It is so easy to lose yourself and love and care about others - but sometimes you need that reminder that it is okay to put yourself first and care about yourself. I now know it is okay to give myself the attention I need, I know that it is okay to say no, to make sure I get a minimum of 7.5 hours of sleep at night. I dont sleep with my phone near me at night ... I actually turn it off when im asleep and put it on a charger across the room. Why? Because I no longer worry about getting a 2 am phone call from someone telling me they were in an accident or they were driving drunk. I am human, and I am only responsible for my actions and no one else. I can't be expected to clean up everyones mess. But, I also cant love everyone and show them care, support and love - when I dont give those things to myself.

I recommend listening to Demi Lovato's song I Love Me. It's so easy to preach self love, to give it to others but you need to live by it. Practice what you preach. Why don't you show yourself the love and respect you need and deserve? Love yourself, put yourself first, be selfish and do what you need to do to be happy, to be confident, to be the best version of you! Stop helping everyone else all the time, it is time to put yourself first. What I've learned over the last month is, I was so busy and worried about watering all the other plants around me, that I was making sure they were fed and got what they needed. But, I was not nourishing myself, I was not watering me. I'm a plant too, and sometimes we need to take extra time and give us the things we are so busy and focused on giving everyone else. Self love is an empowering thing. 2020 for me was a year of heath, a year of growth. I have mental, and physical clarity, and strength to handle anything life throws my way. Everything is meant to make us stronger and not break us - its about a positive perspective. Love yourself. Trust me, its the best medicine to being truly happy.