Sluggish

Wednesday, January 06th, 2021

This morning I woke up and I was moving slowly. I just couldn't seem to get moving. Everything was sore and while I had just slept 9 hours, I felt tired still. I think it was because of how cozy and warm I was tucked into bed - winter is the hardest months to get out of bed 1) because of the lack of sun an 2) because of the lack of heat. It is hard to step out of a warm bed into a cold atmosphere.

But I finally did it, well it was more so that I was forced to do it since I needed to be at the dentist in an hour so it was go time to get ready for the day. The dentist non the less was behind schedule and I as a patient paid the price for it - with a dentist who was rushing to play catch up I was put in pain. But, it is what it is!

I went to target after and walked along the stacks of products searching for the milk Frother - the one seen on tik Tok that is $7 and that everyone wants ... ya! Well there wasn't any left on the shelves so instead I got lavender infused Epson salt that I plan on using tomorrow after my workout! Sometimes its the little things, that help you recover, and for me its the little things I get to look forward to!

Besides that I think the most important thing that came out of today was I "reconnected" with my brother. We cleared the air about a lot of things going on and it was nice to spent the "day" - well not the whole day but a good chunk of it together. When I came home from target we did some cleaning around the house together as a team, and hey! Thats what is so great about being a twin, is we make a great team! After we did a few house hold chores, we went to grab lunch.

Our first thought was to go to the stop and buy a few things and than come home to cook, but that quickly changed. We didn't see anything that grabbed out eye - but we also weren't in the mood to cook, which is relatable I feel like so many people can relate to that feeling of not wanting to stand in the kitchen and prepare the meal - but they also dont want to have to clean up after, and that is the big reason we choose not to "make" lunch, neither of us wanted to clean up after -- and that stemmed from us cleaning the kitchen before we left the house and we didn't want to mess up what we had already fixed.

So what did we decide? Well we went with the oh so popular takeout option, Chinese! I hadn't had Chinese in so long, and usually I get the same thing. But today I was feel nostalgic and I got what I used to order when I was young, which is funny because I must have been a bougie child ordering shrimp with broccoli, but something about it is somewhat healthy and it hits different! Because as I've gotten older my "usual" order is beef lo mein so it was nice to spice things up and change it up!

We went and picked up lunch and. than came home and watched Hulu together, no arguing it was so easy to pick what we were watching. We even made cupcakes after! We made funfetti cup cakes with purple frosting it was a lot of fun because we both shared the responsibility to clean as we went along so no one purpose had to deal with that responsibility. It was a nice treat for my parents to come home to, especially since it was the first year in our house that we didn't make holiday Christmas cookies like we usually go. See this year we had no where to go because of covid and keeping people safe is the most important thing so it was understandable, but since we didn't have anywhere to go we didn't have people to bring / give the cookies to so we didn't make any unfortunately which was a bit sad, on the traditions front.

Aside from that I finally convinced myself it was time to go to the gym around 4 pm, when my mom called to tell me she was on her way home from work. I dont know man I felt so guilty that I hadn't worked out that I needed to get up and out of the house. The gym really helps me center myself so I can gain focus. I felt like I was missing something by not going. Whenever I have days like today, where it is slow moving - I always feel better once I am there and I get moving. While my body has been tired and it is asking me for rest - I dont know I cant explain it but something about working out in the afternoon / evening hits different.

I felt like I performed better, I was getting through things faster - which might just be because of the pre workout, but either way I was trucking along. I have never seen so many people at the gym at 430 pm but it was a zoo, lines for all the benches so I got creative I did things not on my "plan" for the day and than when things opened up I would go to it and do what I came there to do. By the end of my workout at 7 the gym had cleared out which was nice. What wasn't nice was 1) the fact that my leggings ripped while I was lifting ... and my gym crush told me, but hey at least I think that means I've finally gotten those "leg" gains I've been working toward and 2) the bitch who went in my locker and tried to take my pre-workout that I caught when I went into the locker room to change my sweaty mask to a dry one ... Listen lady if I see you do it again we will have an issue! That powder cost me $45!!!!! Also who goes into someones bag in someones locker like you went digging through my stuff!!!

I came home from the gym, heated up dinner that my parents were so kind to leave me some and put in a plate for me, and then get ready for bed. Today is a "late" night for me. I didn't sit down to write till 915 which is when I am usually getting ready to post, so now I still have to mediate, pray, and hop into bed and it is almost 11 which is a "late" night for this gal!

But I am thankful and grateful for the fact that I got to spend time with my family today, I got to have time to myself to help center myself in the gym, and I got to fuel my body with a nice little take out treat. It is all about having a balance, a work life balance if you will. I am trying to balance the food I have to fuel my body I dont want to ever feel deprived like I am restricting myself, that is why I was happy I got to the gym, that was I was "able" to have a cup cake, lets be honest I was going to eat the cupcake either way - this way though I felt "less guilty" about it. I hate that this is the world we live in where it has clouded our thinking to the point where we want to remove things we eat or that we have to "work it off" or punish ourselves because we "indulged". Its hard to find a balance, this is why diet culture is bad and people struggle so hard to accept the body they are given.

The most important thing I think is to love the skin you are in, at all parts of your journey. There are days where we feel bloated, get our period, dont feel 100% and that is okay! But if we cant embrace our bodies, we cant expect other people to either. We need to normalize normal bodies, stop trying to photo shop ourselves and our mind with unrealistic standards that aren't achievable without surgery or editing. Love who we are, there is only one of us!

Also random but the best advice my mom ever gave me. We were talking tonight and she wanted to know how I was doing, in general but referring to if I still missed my ex, and while I miss him I know I am better off without him. And this is what she said to me, "You will never be good enough, for somebody who isn't good enough for you" let that sink in. like you can be a five star package and be delivered to the wrong house, and someone won't know what they have in front of them because 1) it was delivered to the wrong house and 2) they'll see what they had once it is gone and than it is too late. Know your worth, know your value, dont accept or settle for less! Healing is a journey not a destination.

What is one thing you want to "improve upon" in 2021, not fix not change, just work on. What is the thing you want to "better" your life? How are you going to go about implementing that into your life?