Work Life Balance

Friday, January 22, 2021

I rolled outta bed at 6:15 this morning, which would have been painful if I had not gone to bed at 9:30 the night before. Man listening to our bodies, and getting sleep is AMAZING like I knocked out so easy, and the only reason I woke up in the middle of the night was because I was thirsty! I didn't hydrate like I normally do, I only had 1 gallon of water through out the day yesterday and I usually drink 1.5 - 2 gallons so my body needed the water for sure!

Anyway, I got to work at 6:55 only to find the door locked, and I was NOT a happy camper, it was chilly ... like 20 degrees, since its projected to snow. I was scheduled to work 7-9 am so I used my common sense to think that the door would be unlocked, it wasn't but public safety came shortly after to let me in. What a shock though, I was in fact the only person who showed up to work, and no one showed up to workout at all during the shift which I'm not complaining about - but still if you staff the facility I would hope people would be here to use it and take full advantage of what they have access to!

But, being at work for these two hours gave me time to catch up on my blog posts. See I always post right at night before bed, but the last 2 nights I've started to write, and I save little blurbs in the drafts, but I hadn't had the energy to finish writing them, so they kinda just stayed in my drafts. I didn't want to get in the habit of not writing, so that was the first thing on my list was to write this morning. 1) because it is something I want / need to do for myself it helps me mentally reflect and more about my day and 2) it was a goal of mine to be able to find and make the time to write everyday and I want to stay true to that. Even if it isn't posted on that day having a blurb in the draft folder is important.

Yesterday was the first day of practice - for swimming. Now see I love the water, and I love my teammates ... but there was something missing I really missed being at the gym lifting weights. I was late to practice because I had class, and the undergrads dont start class till next week so they have a different schedule. Practice was 230-430 but I was in class till 315 so I scooted to practice and got there at 330 and swam with the team till 430. I expected Coach to keep me after to make up what I missed but that wasn't the case, so after practice I changed and popped by the basketball court to see "the guys" a few of my school friends when to play basketball and they texted me to join in and hoop.

I didn't want to interrupt there 2-2 bro game they had going on so I went and did a "short" 7 exercise circuit lift in the back weight room, when I was done I popped back in and they were still playing basketball which shocked me but good for them like 2 hours of straight balling thats awesome! Anyway enough self reflection on yesterday - so ya I went and lifted to make up the hour of practice I missed for class, because I owed the team that hour. Today we dont have practice till 230-430 sooo I'm working in the morning, then again from 1-230 because I like money and I like the connivence of being in the facility!

Today Is a day for me to find balance. I am finishing up an internship application for a summer fellowship, I am organizing what I need to get done for my week so I can divide the readings and plan accordingly. Trying to stay on top of my shit. But, my friends are right I need to find a balance between being in law school and studying all the time. While incorporating being a D3 athlete and having swimming, team commitments. I need to balance swimming and working out (lifting and what not). As well as my job being employed and making that money. If you were to ask me what is important I'd say my health that is why I prioritize working out, my finances thats why I have a job, my education working toward my future, and my mind/soul. That is why I prioritize, sleep, praying, and writing.

But, my friends are right I need to be able to find a balance, and be able to hang with friends as well as have a personal life outside of all of this. Because if I dont do that than I'm not going to be able to find someone outside of all of this craziness to build a partnership with. I am a very goal oriented person so for me it is hard to balance everything that I dont deem important at the present physical moment, but I know that I want to find a partner, and be able to build my life with someone. Like for me I feel like I have all the time in the world to find someone, but at other times I dont feel like I do. I feel like the "older" I get the more my clock is running out. But, again these are misconceptions that I have in my head that no one else thinks about.

For me as much as I want to meet someone, and let them in. I'm not about to destroy myself again, I picked up the pieces and rebuilt myself - no one else put me back together again - I'm not looking to let someone else in again to have it end horribly like the last time. It is hard for me to let people in on that level and drop my guard because I am very cautious about who I let in and who I give my time and attention to. I'm not trying to give someone all my energy or effort for it not to work out. I've invested alot in myself, and who I am as a person that you better fucken be worth it for me to make room in my life for you. I dont want to put up with someones bullshit or red flags just so I'm not alone, I deserve a hell of alot more than that - I deserve more than the bare minimum that has been given to me in the past.

So ya, I know I need a balance, but at the same time you better be willing to bend over backwards for me, because thats what I do for other people who are there for me and who I let into my life. I'm not trying to fit into someone else's life again - you have to be flexible and willing to make compromises and fit into my life because I'm not putting any of my goals or dreams on hold because of your insecurities or past baggage. Like I said to my friend the other day, IF I put up with any bullshit you my throw my way, your one lucky Son of a bitch because I dont put up with that shit for most people, you'd become the exception.

I have time to find my balance, but till than I'mma continue doing what makes me happy, and what is important to me because I owe that to myself, I owe myself to put myself first because that is something I didn't do for so long! What is something you won't compromise on? For me Its people who have been cut by other people and bleed on the ones who didn't hurt them. That isn't fair to put your hurt and past baggage on someone else who didn't contribute to it, who didn't play a role in it - thats your issue to deal with, work through, and heal from - even before you try to form a new connection with someone.

What is something you now know you won't sacrifice on but did in the past? What is something you are looking for in your next partner - and in the future for yourself?